It seems like the Onions new job is just to make us feel a bit better by saying “at least that didn’t happen.”

That’s why you always go with the great old one patron. What they want is beyond human comprehension anyways and they may not even know you exist. You are basically just an ant stealing crumbs of power off their kitchen floor.

The easy fix to this is to just have no shops stock anything worth buying. In one of the campaigns I’m in the party is probably more wealthy than a small country but it’s a rather low magic setting so you can’t just buy magic gear or items. We’ve been investing in real estate and staff instead. But money is now far less important to the party than exploration in search of things we want and doing things for our favorite NPCs.

Also we have killed people via inverting a bag of holding full of money. Everyone loves the idea of receiving 500lbs of gold until they receive it suddenly from above at terminal velocity.

To be fair I’m sure most COBOL devs are on the verge of dementia.