I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I would love to have kids. It seems like my biggest wish in the world. People keep telling me that having children was the most beautiful thing that happened to them. Still no baby after 9 fertility treatments, only a couple of miscarriages. I am 40 now and I have almost no time left. I feel broken by Al the treatments. Lost my work. Adoption is impossible in my country.
I would love to know how other people learn to live with this feeling.
Is surrogacy an option? We’re a same-sex couple, so we are in a similar boat.
The problem has likely to do with the quality of my egg cells. They are not certain about this, but it is the most likely explanation. This means that surrogacy would not solve that problem. An egg cell donation might. However, in my country it is quite difficult to have access to that. There are large sperms banks, but not large banks for egg cells. So, we would need to find someone in our environment to donate an egg cell to me.
Are you a male or female couple (biologically I mean for making the child)? What happens here is that there are some women who do not have a partner, but still want a child. They often get a child together with a male gay couple and they raise the child with the three of them. I think government is even working on it to be possible for a child to have three parents legally. This is how my uncles got their twins. I am not sure whether this works the same with female couples. I see them often at the fertility treatment center, so I believe that they probably use the sperm bank.
Aww, sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can find an egg donor. We are two men, so we aren’t quite as fortunate that way. Finding another couple or woman who was interested in having children together would be very lucky. We’re hopeful, but it seems fairly unlikely. Surrogacy might be our best option.
Thank you. I really hope you do find another couple or woman who you can have children with. I have seen it work very well in practice. I think my uncles went on a website that matches people and there was some process a bit similar to dating on beforehand when they tried to find a match. However, in the end, of was a friend that was interested.
She wanted to have children, but did not have a partner. She also wanted to make sure the children had a father, so this was a good solution for her as well. Now they even have two fathers!
I hope you can find a solution like this or surrogacy. I think that everyone that is capable of taking care of a child and who wants it should be able to have one. I think it is one of the most fundamental experiences you can have in life. Good luck!
That’s good to know! Is the website local, or for many countries? I’d be interested in seeing it!
And good luck to you too ❤️
I have them, they are great. Here are a few obvious things I’ve learned that I didn’t appreciate beforehand:
The complexity of the endeavor rises exponentially with the number of kids. That is to say, 3 is a much bigger leap from 2 than 2 was from 1.
They get dramatically more expensive and complicated as they get older. All that exhausting baby activity is the easy part. As you start to figure out how to do it, the rules shift and you have to get learning again.
I never imagined how much of adult life as a parent revolves around the literal management of shit. Between kids, pets, and aging parents, I just never expected to be so preoccupied with the logistics of excrement. I guess I was living in some kind of Disneyland in the before times. You sort of get used to it though. Sort of.
Such a wise and thoughtful answer 😊👍
We wanted kids, tried to have kids, but things never seemed to work out. So I went to see my doctor and they ran some tests. First test we found I had no sperm, so they did more tests, turns out I barely have any testosterone at all, but absolutely tons of estrogen. More tests, this time a genetic one. Turns out I have kleinfelter syndrome, which if caught early enough there are things that can be done. But at my age that boat has long since sailed.
It’s been an interesting couple of years. I started TRT injections at the beginning of the year. And my life has taken a complete 180, turns out you really need testosterone for alot of things. And your body reacts kinda funny without it.
Adoption seems our only choice, but she doesn’t want a kid if it’s not hers. So… Yea
That makes me wonder, how did it influence your life? Ive never heard of what a lack of testosterone can do
Well the main thing it did to me was give me crippling depression. No one over the course of my life could ever figure out why I was depressed. “It runs in the family” was the excuse. My depression disappeared after the first injection. Everyday of my life I felt like there was a force pushing down on me, and then shortly after my shot it went away and it took me awhile to realize it was gone. That was a good day.
I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did, spent thousands on personal training over the years but I could never gain muscle, or lose the weight I gained. I was a 58 waist in Feb, and I’m currently down to 44 in not even a year. Last time I went to the big and tall store they said they’ve seen me enough this year and we switched to elastic waist pants and a stretch belt so I don’t keep having to buy clothes every 3 months.
I never had any body hair. I would have to shave once a week before. I have hair everywhere now and it’s weird.
Lots of other things, zero libido. I was dating my wife and she got exasperated about my disinterest in sex, it was a chore for me. I’d be the one coming up with excuses not to have sex.
My moral philosophy is to leave the world a better place than I found it, to have an overall positive impact.
In order to justify siring children I would need to balance it out somehow, like by raising multiple foster care children first or by donating sperm.
Good lord, calm down superstar
